Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
