i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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