i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
