you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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