True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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