i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
