she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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