can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
