Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
