Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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