he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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