What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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