I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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