peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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