Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
