oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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