Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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