I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
