why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
