thus making me awesome and them whores
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
