He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
