a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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