so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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