I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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