Having a random hookup so left but love u
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
