So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
