Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
