I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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