saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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