I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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