During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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