There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
