He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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