I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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