are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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