And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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