Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
