my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
