He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
4 words: hood of his car
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
