at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
