Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
