the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
