Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
