why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize