Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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