I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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