Umm I'm too high to move.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
