If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
