Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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