Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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