I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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